...

YOU FRUSTRATE ME!!!!

I Love You.

Had an absolutely amazing day yesterday, thanks to my wonderfantabulous boy toy. =] (ILYSM)
Hopefully tomorrow will be as good as yesterday and not nearly as awful as today. Going to Cranbrook tomorrow.... Wish I didn't have to miss school.... and I wish I could pass math. Cross your fingers! *she shouts to everyone who has better things to do with their lives than check in on her blog) My birthday party is this weekend... I'm really worried that its going to end in disaster. For one, its supposed to rain all weekend and also... Everyone who is coming dislikes at least one of the other people who are coming. With the exception of Tristan who might not be coming at all. I really wish I could have invited Tony.. She is absolutely one of the most fantastic people I have ever met. =] I really don't want to fail math... but on the account of Mr.Stades a dickhead it isn't looking good... Even Mrs. Brown is having major problems with him. Seriously if there is only two kids in a class passing it is the teachers fault, not the students. I feel bad for everyone else in the class trying to get through it... =/ Looks like I'll be doing correspondence next year... FML.!!! Fuck I need to go to school tomorrow... But I need to cash my check and I need to do that with mom at her bank and its rare I end up in Cranbrook with mom.... Car insurance, or a slight chance at passing math... This sucks.
Not to mention I might not be able to get my N this summer... Ugh. Im so stressed.

Best Friend

We have everything in common,
everything but one.
I see the way you look at me,
it will never be enough.
I see the way you look at him,
with longing in your eyes.
If only at night, you could listen to my cries.
He doesn't see you, don't you see?
The person you belong with is me.
I've been here forever, and I'll stick around always.
I cross my fingers and tell myself, this is just a phase.
I want to tell you these thoughts in my head,
this fact I just can't swallow
(no pun intended.)
I wont believe it.
It can't be true.
Could this really be you?
I can wish all I want, but it will never do.
I can't change who you are, and neither can you.
This isn't some phase.
Not simply a trend.
It looks as though I'm really stuck here.

Stuck
as the best friend.

Making a Difference One Stranger at a Time

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hi

You: Hiii

Stranger: What's the point in living?

You: to live.

Stranger: I'm serious I'm sick of everything and I need a reason not to kill myself.

You: because killing yourself is the most selfish thing anyone can everdo

Stranger: How?

Stranger: I would be doing everyone a favor. No one likes me :,(

You: its cowardly and taking the easy way out, getting rid of all your problems and dropping them onto the shoulders of EVERYONE around you.

You: you are a strong person, if you werent you wouldnt have made it this far right? think of all the shit you have obviously been through

You: and how even if you came out bruised and even a little messed up, you made it through.

Stranger: I have yet to crawl through shit actually b

You: everyone does.

Stranger: Crawl though shit?

Stranger: That sounds gross

You: we just have to be strong and put up with it.

You: lol yeah

Stranger: I guess...

You: you have family and even if you dont have friends there are other people you know who would miss you

Stranger: Do you really think they would?

You: yes

Stranger: Honestly?

You: and thats another reason why killing yourself is selfish

You: because people think that when you kill yourself it will make you feel better but when you die im pretty sure you dont get to watch the people you left behind suffer

Stranger: Dude... Your amazing.

You: my grandma committed suicide before I was born. my family is pretty fucked up over it and so am I.... she didnt even know I would exist when she killed herself.

Stranger: Okay okay I'll go put this knife back. Oh that sucks... :(

You: no my dear, YOUR AMAZING. and yuou cant let people make you forget it

Stranger: Do you really think so? :)

You: yes.

Stranger: :))))))))))) you just gave me hope THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH. :)

You: you are more than welcome.

Stranger: My faith in this world has been restored.

You: some people really suck... but you have to remember there are always good people out there like me willing to help

You: =]

Stranger: Yes I see there are, now. :))

You: good.

Stranger: Ah, I haven't smiled in a while :) thank you sooooooooooo much :)

You: dont worry about it.

Stranger: :)))

Stranger: Okay well bye!!!

OKAY I LIED LEAVE ME ALONE

Okay... So I lied... I never did get off the computer. Agh.
anywhoooo heres a song.

Crazy Girl, Don't Look at Me That Way

This is really weird but I have a confession to make.
When people are trying to motivate me to do something, I need positive motivation otherwise ill just get discouraged and pissed off....

BUT

When I motivate myself, it is the most negative motivation you can imagine... I will set a reminder on my phone that says something along the lines of "You fucking idiot study for the test tomorrow or you will fail because you are fat and lazy and stupid." No joke... In fact they are often even harsher than that. They often contain more cussing than actual English. Does it work better? I think so... Yet I cant stand when other people do it. Why? Who knows, I'm probably just effed in the noggin. By the way I am mentally stabbing myself at this very moment for not doing my homework.... Okay fine. I'm getting off the computer now..... TOOTLES.