You're mad at me for no god damn reason. And you won't even give me a chance to explain. Everyone keeps asking me about you and I don't know anything because your mother wouldn't let me see you and you refuse to talk to me. I can't talk about you with anyone without bursting into tears. You're killing me and you don't even care. All I want is for you to be happy and okay. I tried... I thought I was doing the right thing, but nothing is ever right. No matter what I'm always wrong. In starting to see that more and more, you can never please anyone. So what's the point? I don't know what to do. I've never been able to decipher your mixed messages. I'm scared. I've just been so scared about you. I always say the wrong thing and make things worse. I'm sorry I love you.

I want to talk you. I want to hear your laugh and see your smile but I feel you really don’t want to be bothered by me. I don’t know how to help your pain, I never have. I always say the wrong things without realising it and make things worse. I feel so helpless because I have always been on the list of people you pretend to be okay around. I spoke to ms Ewan today… Sha pulled me aside to talk to me. No one had told her what had happened and when someone told her she cried. She said it was tears of sadness but tears of joy that you did not succeed. Because someone very close to her had once succeeded. She said I havent been myself for quite sometime, I didn’t even realise it myself. I think it’s a lot of things though. I messages you on Facebook, and because you did not and have not responded to that or my feeble attempts at Skype I figured you want to be left. And that is okay take as much time as you need. Just please know how much I care about you. How much everyone cares about you.

Everything's Gone To Shit

My house wreaks of death and I can hardly stand being here but I can't go anywhere because I can't stand crying in front of people and I can't stop crying and I hate blogging about being miserable because it makes me a hypocrite and there's nothing anyone can do anyways. I'm going to miss you, you'll always be my guardian angel. Sweet dreams.

Shake It Like A Poleroid Picture

I am going crazy without my internet.

She Took the Midnight Train Goin Anywhere

Being stuck in a small town... You forget how many possibilities there are. Going to Vancouver really opened my eyes, I can do anything because there is so much out there that we don't even know exists. I'm going to Africa one of these days because it's something I have always wanted to do. You have to keep your mind open. You have to keep your dreams big. And you have to set goals that you actually want to achieve. Things may feel impossible inside this little valley but above the mountains anything can happen. Don't give up and

NEVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST

Herm

I'm so depressed I can't even think straight... I just keep pacing and staring blankly at everything. I don't hear people when they talk Its all I can do to keep from bursting into tears at any moment. I don't want to be around people but I can't stand being alone. I don't want to be here I don't want you to be there and I don't want to be me. I am swimming in self hate and I can't kick it because they seem like valid reasons to me. I feel like everyone else hates me and no one wants to be around me. I feel so insecure and alone and I feel like there are certain people who would have been lucky to have never have met me. I don't feel like there's anything I can do to fix things and I just want to give up. All I ever want to do is ignore the world am sleep because that's pretty much what it does to me. I want my warm bed
And no more nightmares. I Don't want to wake up tomorrow. I am stressed frustrated lonely and losing my fucking mind. I don't know what to say or do anymore I don't want to hurt people anymore I've screwed everything up... Well, time for pancakes.

If you have something to say to me just fucking say it, I am sick of the games.

Okay, I Give.

I give up on writing. I suck at it. I quit. Writing class is over tomorrow... I will miss it, not the part where I write of course, but the part where I get to listen to others writing.

For You A Thousand Times Over...

Not sure how to feel about this... Feels so different, I was just getting used to things and now everything changed again. I have always hated change. Change has never brought anything good to my life. Why is it that I can never stand up for myself? I feel that I am constantly looking up at people no matter what and I can't change it. Will I forever feel like a silenced child?

Insert appealing title here

I got a fortune cookie today that says to love is to forgive but is it possible that I have loved you too much for too long and forgiven you one too many times?