I want to talk you. I want to hear your laugh and see your smile but I feel you really don’t want to be bothered by me. I don’t know how to help your pain, I never have. I always say the wrong things without realising it and make things worse. I feel so helpless because I have always been on the list of people you pretend to be okay around. I spoke to ms Ewan today… Sha pulled me aside to talk to me. No one had told her what had happened and when someone told her she cried. She said it was tears of sadness but tears of joy that you did not succeed. Because someone very close to her had once succeeded. She said I havent been myself for quite sometime, I didn’t even realise it myself. I think it’s a lot of things though. I messages you on Facebook, and because you did not and have not responded to that or my feeble attempts at Skype I figured you want to be left. And that is okay take as much time as you need. Just please know how much I care about you. How much everyone cares about you.