You're mad at me for no god damn reason. And you won't even give me a chance to explain. Everyone keeps asking me about you and I don't know anything because your mother wouldn't let me see you and you refuse to talk to me. I can't talk about you with anyone without bursting into tears. You're killing me and you don't even care. All I want is for you to be happy and okay. I tried... I thought I was doing the right thing, but nothing is ever right. No matter what I'm always wrong. In starting to see that more and more, you can never please anyone. So what's the point? I don't know what to do. I've never been able to decipher your mixed messages. I'm scared. I've just been so scared about you. I always say the wrong thing and make things worse. I'm sorry I love you.

I want to talk you. I want to hear your laugh and see your smile but I feel you really don’t want to be bothered by me. I don’t know how to help your pain, I never have. I always say the wrong things without realising it and make things worse. I feel so helpless because I have always been on the list of people you pretend to be okay around. I spoke to ms Ewan today… Sha pulled me aside to talk to me. No one had told her what had happened and when someone told her she cried. She said it was tears of sadness but tears of joy that you did not succeed. Because someone very close to her had once succeeded. She said I havent been myself for quite sometime, I didn’t even realise it myself. I think it’s a lot of things though. I messages you on Facebook, and because you did not and have not responded to that or my feeble attempts at Skype I figured you want to be left. And that is okay take as much time as you need. Just please know how much I care about you. How much everyone cares about you.

Everything's Gone To Shit

My house wreaks of death and I can hardly stand being here but I can't go anywhere because I can't stand crying in front of people and I can't stop crying and I hate blogging about being miserable because it makes me a hypocrite and there's nothing anyone can do anyways. I'm going to miss you, you'll always be my guardian angel. Sweet dreams.

Shake It Like A Poleroid Picture

I am going crazy without my internet.

She Took the Midnight Train Goin Anywhere

Being stuck in a small town... You forget how many possibilities there are. Going to Vancouver really opened my eyes, I can do anything because there is so much out there that we don't even know exists. I'm going to Africa one of these days because it's something I have always wanted to do. You have to keep your mind open. You have to keep your dreams big. And you have to set goals that you actually want to achieve. Things may feel impossible inside this little valley but above the mountains anything can happen. Don't give up and

NEVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST

Herm

I'm so depressed I can't even think straight... I just keep pacing and staring blankly at everything. I don't hear people when they talk Its all I can do to keep from bursting into tears at any moment. I don't want to be around people but I can't stand being alone. I don't want to be here I don't want you to be there and I don't want to be me. I am swimming in self hate and I can't kick it because they seem like valid reasons to me. I feel like everyone else hates me and no one wants to be around me. I feel so insecure and alone and I feel like there are certain people who would have been lucky to have never have met me. I don't feel like there's anything I can do to fix things and I just want to give up. All I ever want to do is ignore the world am sleep because that's pretty much what it does to me. I want my warm bed
And no more nightmares. I Don't want to wake up tomorrow. I am stressed frustrated lonely and losing my fucking mind. I don't know what to say or do anymore I don't want to hurt people anymore I've screwed everything up... Well, time for pancakes.

If you have something to say to me just fucking say it, I am sick of the games.

Okay, I Give.

I give up on writing. I suck at it. I quit. Writing class is over tomorrow... I will miss it, not the part where I write of course, but the part where I get to listen to others writing.

For You A Thousand Times Over...

Not sure how to feel about this... Feels so different, I was just getting used to things and now everything changed again. I have always hated change. Change has never brought anything good to my life. Why is it that I can never stand up for myself? I feel that I am constantly looking up at people no matter what and I can't change it. Will I forever feel like a silenced child?

Insert appealing title here

I got a fortune cookie today that says to love is to forgive but is it possible that I have loved you too much for too long and forgiven you one too many times?

Bah Humbug

I hate Christmas. it used to be my favorite holiday, i always had one thing that I really wanted which I almost always got and this year the only thing I wanted was for my family to stop falling apart. Instead I got a pair of toe socks,,, and I suppose some other nice things. I suppose that's okay for now, I love toe socks.

More Okay Than Not I Suppose

You say, sometimes, it's like I hardly know you
And maybe there's somethings I never showed you
Sometimes you're certain, but just can't get it working at all

You say to yourself somebody better
Will understand you more than I ever
I'll shake his hand, and smile, and say I understand. Well I do
That don't mean I don't think about you

I know we
Said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself
But, I don't want to see you happier with somebody else

Oh, why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
I know you need someone too
This just feels so soon

I know some things should just stay broken
I'm well aware this should remain unspoken
But I've been working on the things that I was learning all wrong, oh
I know sometimes I only twist ya
And maybe I'm too proud to say I missed ya
But what if here and now, I tell you that I'm all figured out?
Or maybe I just like how that sounds

I know we
Said it's just as well that I won't keep, keep you for myself
But I don't want to see you happier with somebody else

Oh, why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
I know you need someone too
This just feels so

And I know it seems beneath me
But sometimes it's not so easy
To wish you well and let you go

And I say it's just as well
That I just can't keep you for myself
I don't want to see you happier with somebody else

Oh, lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
Why can't you just be lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?
This just feels so
This just feels so,
Feels so soon

(Lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?)
Why can't you be
(Lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?)
Why can't you be
(Lo-lo, lo lo-lo, lo lonely?)

This just feels so,
This just feels so,
This just feels so soon

I Didn't Write This But I Love It...

I’m not sure how to start this, or even why I’m writing it other than it being Christmas and it seems like an appropriate time. I miss you. I thought time would make it easier, but the truth is I miss you more every day. I know you’re happy; I can see that and I’m honestly glad. I’m not saying this with any agenda: I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you, and every day since. You might not want anything to do with me, and on some level I understand why. My biggest fear isn’t that you don’t love me anymore, or even that you might hate me. It’s that you’ll forget about me. I couldn’t bear that because I think about you every day. Sometimes those thoughts make me sad, sometimes they make my heart ache. More often they make me smile because I think about what an incredible person you are, and the memories you’ve given me.

I’m sorry for the times I went a little crazy; I thought shutting you out would make me miss you less. I’m sorry for the things I didn’t do when we were together. If I could do it again I would be great for you, and I would never let you go.

Dimple Pimple Piercings

What is it about some people that makes them so damn easy to talk to? Said way too much last night. Things I have never said to anyone. And should never say to anyone. Where to go from here? I have no one to blame but myself for the ruins that lie before me. I have lost the one person I care about most. And it's not even like their hands simply slipped out of mine. They let go. They want this. How? Why? I just want things to go back to normal. I just want things to fucking be okay.

If you love them, let them go.

Self Portrait

My Best Friend.

Do You Think This Would Look bad?