How can someone have an amazing boyfriend and still feel so alone? Is a girl like that just selfish because she only wants more no matter how good she has it? Lately I have been feeling like I don't know you anymore... Like you have changed so much. But tonight I realized it really isn't you I have lost sight of, I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore, or what I want. I have lost track of time, and slowly I feel like I am pushing my friends away. No... Not just my friends, everyone. All the people I have ever loved I am slowly distancing myself from them by keeping myself mind numbingly busy. If I am not on the go, I am locked in my room being miserable. Like now. I just really hope that the people I love will hold on, I don't want to push them away. I feel it is too late for some... Like I don't belong with my friends anymore. No matter which one of my friends I'm with I feel out of place, like they really don't want me around. Its as if I am back to being that fat girl with rotten teeth and frizzy hair and everyone just waits for me to leave the room so they can enjoy themselves. Even when I am with my closest friends I feel like its a 'new crowd' and I try to listen instead of speaking because I am worried that my opinion is the wrong one. I wish I could clean my room top to bottom and start everything fresh or rather not start at all. I am alone and lonely and trying to fight the urge to being my inevitable downspiral that is constantly on my mind, never subsiding. I am surprised I could even haul my ass upstairs to do laundry. I wish I could clean my room, make it look and smell nice, have room to do yoga, and practice belly dancing. I just can't find the motivation. And my week is so busy and my schedule so full I feel like I am beginning to need to plan washroom breaks. I have so lost myself... And it is just now that it dawned on me that there are few moments when I felt like I had found myself, and almost all of them include you.
Fuck
Me.
SIDEWAYS
meow.=^.^=
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