Just About Had Enough

Douching me with holy water before fucking me with an iron condom... I've taken more than my fair share of abuse and jokes in my lifetime but this ones pretty fuckin bad. My boyfriends Cristian, why the fuck do you care? The worst thing about this joke is that if it were about someone else I would have found it funny. Does that make me just as bad as the people who came up with it? Some sexually frustrated grade twelve who feels suffocated because he cant get out of this place... Did it make him feel good to hurt me? I'm sure he doesn't know my pain. As far as I can see no one around me has lived through the shit I have. When we did the play bang bang you're dead I was so emotionally attached. None of the other actors had experienced being bullied.. But I have. I dealt with it my whole life. People would tell me that all sisters fight but that wasn't the case with me and my sister, she tortured my throughout my whole childhood. Severe abuse, I still haven't forgiven her, nor do I plan to. When my parents split up I was in a new school. I received my own personal tormentor; Terrace-Anne. I hated that girl... she made things harder than they needed to be. I went through extreme depression that physically tore me to pieces. I couldn't get out of bed most mornings. My moms old boyfriend... I spent the last nine years being called fat, pig, tubby, etc. Ive been called every fat name in the book. By my sister and my moms boyfriend. During bang bang you're dead Mrs. Ewen told us about her sister not forgiving her tormentors and it reminded me of how I haven't forgiven my sister... I went to the washroom and started crying. I couldn't stop it. I was fine before the stupid woman at the front office snapped at me... I was doing a pretty good job of holding it in. I went to ask if I could get food before ten minute because I was going to be in the play during that time. She was busy talking to someone and I was trying so hard to hold back my pain that I was tapping my finger on the counter. I didn't even notice til she turned to me and snapped about how rude I was being. I barely got my question out through gritting my teeth. She mistook my tapping for an impatient tick. She rudely told me that no one gets food before break, I couldn't get away fast enough, or explain to her why I was asking, I went straight to the washroom. It hurts so much when the abuse comes from my close friends too... I cant talk about how much I love and care about Brenden with Thomas because he reacts so cruelly and it hurts that him and his family joke about my boyfriend. Hurts more than they could possibly understand because I care about them so much and I care about Brenden so much. If Thomas would listen maybe he would see how much fun I have with Brenden and how cool and funny and amazing he can be. But that would bruise his ego so he'd rather hurt me and save himself the pain of jealousy and feeling like I chose someone else over him. Maybe Thomas is right and that small towns are just full of small minded people and that once I move things will be different. A place where people know nothing about me other than what they have in front of them and no one will judge my choices and who I want to be with. I wish Brenden were here, I can't tell him what happened today because its abuse towards him too and I don't know if he would take it likely. I hope he cant hear the tears in my voice when he calls. <3 Love you.